


We'll Meet Again (I Wish We Wouldn't)

by kyrinasha



Series: On The Back Of Ouroboros [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One-sided frenrey, Or Is It?, Possession, Skeletons, Sort of? - Freeform, boomer is there but only barely, everyone dies and the game resets, its a GordonRadioTV bad end au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrinasha/pseuds/kyrinasha
Summary: The stakes had been clear: If Gordon Freeman dies, then the game resets, and every bit of progress they'd made gets set back to 0. But he was the Protagonist. He couldn'treallydie, right?...Right?This fic is a Bad End AU forToonbly'stumblr rp/story blogGordonRadioTV, and it follows stuff set up in the canon of their story. You don't need to have read GRTV to get the gist of what's going on here, but it definitely helps. Also it's really good and I absolutely recommend reading it anyway!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: On The Back Of Ouroboros [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843870
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	We'll Meet Again (I Wish We Wouldn't)

Gordon Freeman blinked, looking around. Something was wrong, but he can’t… His thoughts were slow, and it was hard to think through the pain.

Pain?

Oh, yeah. He was bleeding. That skeleton had hit him hard, sharpened bone punching through the HEV suit like it was nothing. He couldn’t remember when he fell to the ground, or why Benrey was holding him. But there was blood. A lot of blood. And it didn’t seem to be stopping. He looked upward, meeting the eye of the security guard, who currently had the shadow that covered his other eye streaking down his face like tears. Oh no, that wouldn’t do.

“B-Benrey?” Gordon’s voice was weak, and he could barely manage to summon the strength to bring his prosthetic up. Gently, very gently, he cupped Benrey’s cheek in his hand, wiping away a void-slick tear from his face. “...S’okay, Benny. M’gonna be fine.”

All he got was a choked sob, purple and blue sweet voice spilling from his lips. Heh, see? Purple to blue means “It’s okay, you’re safe. I’ve got you.” Tommy taught him that, and Benrey was right. He was gonna be okay.

He could feel a twinge now, just at the back of his mind. It was becoming harder to think, like nothingness was creeping into his thoughts. Maybe it was? He blinked, trying to remember something important. He couldn’t (shouldn’t? can’t?) die. If he died… something would happen. The game, it was… something to do with the game, wasn’t it? Something bad. But his brain was like sludge from the blood loss, and he couldn’t think of what was so bad.

“Mister Freeman…” Oh, Tommy was here, too. Gordon attempted to prop himself off, looking for his team. The Science Team formed a half-circle in front of him, all looking down with worry in their eyes. Tommy was already moving to help Benrey prop him up, while Dr. Coomer and Bubby were holding hands. Even Bubby looked anguished, which made Gordon feel guilty. He was supposed to be the leader, his team shouldn’t be worrying over him.

There was… nothing around them. Not even the empty halls of the glitched-out Black Mesa map could be seen against the all-encompassing Void that surrounded the Science Team. And it was creeping closer. “Well, it seems as if this is the... end of the line, gentlemen,” Dr. Coomer spoke, holding his husband close. His eyes were darting around, so clearly searching for a solution, but there was nothing out there that could stop this. Gordon’s head fell back, but Benrey continued to clutch him tightly as the void pressed inward, suffocating them. He blinked, blearily trying to focus on something. He had to do something, his team was in danger, he was the leader, he had to help.

But even as Gordon’s eyes focused on where Dr. Coomer and Bubby had been standing just moments before, there was nothing but Void. They were gone, as if they had never existed. Panic gripped his chest, his head whipping around to find Tommy.

Tommy looked terrified. His eyes were spirals as he looked desperately through the code, searching for something, _anything_ , that could help. And even as he did, as his search became more frantic, Gordon watched as he began to glitch. Chunks of code fell away from his body, and even Gordon, mind still so very foggy, could tell that his search was fruitless. Tommy looked up from the code, giving Gordon a sad smile. He looked like he was going to say something, but no sound passed through his lips. And then, he was gone.

With each second that passed, it became harder to think. Gordon’s thoughts slowed, and even moving his head felt like a herculean effort as he strained to see Benrey. Blue and purple sweet voice still poured from his lips, a soft glow against the nothingness that surrounded the two of them. It was sweet, really. It wasn’t dark here, not anymore, thanks to Benrey. He didn’t have to be scared.

“Huh,” Gordon thought, his last one before the Void claimed him, “Dr. Coomer was right. It _is_ excruciatingly painful.”

\----------

Gordon Freeman stepped off the Black Mesa tram, his footsteps echoing through the metal halls as he hurried on his way. Today was the day of the big experiment, testing the properties of these alien crystals he had been researching, and he was late. Of course. So here he was, hoofing it to the locker room to grab the HEV suit, then to rush to the test chamber. He fidgeted with his Black Mesa ID in his rush, anxiety gnawing at him as he turned the plastic card over and over in his hand. Normally he’d just brush it off as being late, but something felt off. Like deja vu, but different in a way he couldn’t quite pinpoint. But he didn’t have time to worry about it right now, so he pushed the feeling down and kept moving.

He barely noticed as he passed the break room, but someone calling his name pulled him out of his single-minded focus. “Go- good morning, Mister Freeman!”

Gordon smiled. “Morning, Tommy. You headed to the break room?” Something tugged at the back of his mind. He… hadn’t worked with Tommy before, had he? Sure he was overseeing the test today, but he wasn’t on a first name basis with the man.

Despite that, Tommy didn’t seem to find it weird. He just smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m on- I’m on lunchbreak!” Gordon winced at that. God, he was _really_ late if Tommy was already taking his lunch break.

“Let me guess, soda for lunch? I know it helps you see faster, but you drink too much of that stuff, man. You’re gonna overdose on sugar if this keeps up.”

“Black Mesa soda is- it’s the best, Mister Freeman! You should- should really try it, some time!”

“Yeah, well, maybe another time. I’m already late as is, especially with the big test today. You’re overseeing it with Dr. Coomer and Bubby, right?”

Tommy grinned. “Yep! I- I’ll see you in the chamber!”

Gordon smiled back, nodding. “See you, Tommy.” And he continued onward. That weird feeling hadn’t gone away. In fact, it had seemed to grow stronger as he talked to Tommy. Something told him it was important, but whatever part of him that was seemed extremely conflicted on Tommy as a whole. Part of it was worried. It said something about this was wrong, and that Tommy shouldn’t be here. But that was dumb, because why wouldn’t he be here? Tommy worked here! It was the break room! The other part was excited to see Tommy, relieved to find a friendly face in Black Mesa. The kind of relief that comes from crawling through a monster-infested facility after having your hand sawed off in one of the worst moments of your life, and you finally see someone you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can put your life in their hands.

...Okay, _that_ metaphor was out of nowhere. He must really be out of it today.

\----------

Luckily for him, the locker room wasn’t too far from the break room. The door slid open, and he was immediately greeted with a smile by Dr. Coomer. “Ah, hello Gordon! Another day, another dollar! Am I right? Ha ha ha!”

“Haha, yeah. That’s what we always say here at Black Mesa. Ready for the big test today?” The smile he wore came easily. Dr. Coomer had been a mentor to him in his early days at Black Mesa. The old man was easy to talk to, even if some of his mannerisms were a bit...

“Of course! Good luck in the chamber!” Dr. Coomer said with a smile, punching his locker door closed with a level of force that would rival an industrial hydrolic press.

Strange. And violent. But Dr. Coomer was a good guy, and Gordon couldn’t help but see him as a strange sort of father figure, if a father figure ran an underground boxing ring in a top secret science facility.

Waving to Dr. Coomer, Gordon headed for the HEV suit station. The sample was already mildly radioactive, and the small-scale tests he had previously spearheaded had shown its radiation levels would skyrocket as long as they were blasting it. The HEV suit would stop him from dying instantly from radiation, but as he pressed the release button, opening the suit’s chamber, Gordon felt sick. The bright orange of the HEV suit made his stomach do flips, and he was suddenly extremely grateful he missed breakfast today. He could feel his breaths becoming more shallow, and he had to steady himself on the wall. He would have grabbed the railing, but he didn’t… his hand…

Gordon blinked, staring down at his hand. Searing pain radiated out from his lower arm, and he couldn’t feel his hand. It was _right there why couldn’t he feel his hand oh god-_

“Gordon, are you alright?” Dr. Coomer’s voice rang out over the locker room, causing Gordon to snap back to himself. His hand was fine. It was just some weird… pre-test anxiety. Yeah, that was it. He was _fine_!

“I- I’m all good, Dr. Coomer. Just taking a moment to prepare, you know?” He took a deep breath, holding his arm to keep it from shaking any worse than it already was, and entered the suit’s chamber. If he focused hard enough, the feeling of the HEV suit clinking into place around him almost didn’t feel like suffocating. “See, no problem?”

Something in Dr. Coomer’s expression made Gordon think he didn’t quite believe him. And by something, he meant everything. Dr. Coomer wore his heart on his sleeve, and the concern that laced his features in that moment was no exception.It was obvious he didn’t believe him, and if Gordon lingered any longer, he was going to have to actually talk about what just happened. But they didn’t have time for that right now, so Gordon dodged past him on the stairs, rushing out of the locker room with a quick “I’ll see you for the test!” before he was gone.

\-----------

What was with him today! At this rate, Gordon felt like the test chamber was going to blow up before he even got there. And when that thought threatened to pull up more unexplainable, unwanted feelings, he shoved it right back down to whatever dark corner of his mind that it came from. Focus, Gordon! Important test! Protocols to remember! And he was keeping the Science Team waiting!

Entirely too wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice a short security guard following him as he approached the door. As the door’s guard nodded, moving to let him in, a voice from behind him echoed in a dull monotone: “Hey, can I see your passport?”

Gordon startled so bad his head nearly hit the ceiling. He swung around, right arm pointed at the voice (what, how would that do anything) before he realized it was just another security guard. The new guard was easily a foot shorter than him, with a helmet that cast a void-black shadow over the upper parts of his face. Jeez, Gordon couldn’t even see his other eye like this. His visible eye, though, made Gordon feel sick as he made eye contact.

It was like any light behind it had been extinguished. There was simply nothing there, like his body was just a puppet being piloted by something Gordon couldn’t see. And that monotone, too, set Gordon on edge. He _knew_ , knew as well as he knew is own name, that this was wrong. 

“Your passport, sir?” the guard prompted, startling Gordon again. Why was he so jumpy around this dude?

Some part of him wanted to be snarky. Why would this guy need his passport? Who the hell even brings their passport to work? But as he meets the guard’s eye, the distant, glazed look makes him hesitate. “Uh, I don’t have my passport.”

“I’m going to have to follow you, then.” There was that monotone again! Not one joke, out of place comment, or incomprehensible ramble. Gordon felt the hair on the back of his neck raise, and all he wanted to do was hug the shorter man. Something was so, so wrong, but whenever he tried to think of why, his thoughts were like a scratched record, skipping so hard it derailed his entire train of thought. These feelings didn’t make sense! He had never even met this guard before today!

A not-too-small part of Gordon wanted to goad the guard into talking more. Make him take the bait to be an annoying little shit. Harass him about the passport requirement, grill him about why his fellow guard was so willing to let him in, anything to make that lifeless stare go away. 

“...Okay.” But he didn’t.

The guard just nodded, like he was expecting that response. “Okay,” he said, “let’s go.” Something was definitely wrong here. Gordon wanted to trust his gut, and his gut was screaming that all of this was wrong, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.

But what could he do about it? If this weird security guard was having a bad day, that wasn’t his fault, and he wasn’t responsible for him. If Benrey wanted to follow him, fine. He could do whatever he wanted. Gordon didn’t care, it wasn’t his problem. And so, Gordon turned from the unblinking, unfeeling guard and headed toward the test chamber. For a brief moment, he thought he saw white, but it wasn’t there when he looked again. Gordon shrugged it off. Probably just a stress hallucination, what with everything that had already happened today. He could hear footsteps following him, but other than that, the guard made no indication of what he was doing, and Gordon tried to ignore the pain in his heart that thinking about him caused.

Benrey followed Gordon, walking in his shadow as the scientist walked ever toward his pointless quest. Bone-white ivory flickered in and out of the corner of his vision, the skeletons gripping into his shoulders and whispering lines of code in his ear. They still needed him, after all. He had a role to play, and there was no point in trying to resist it anymore. He had tried and failed. Even after Gordon pulled him from the core, when it had seemed like they might finally be free from the game’s code, he had still lost everything. It was easier this way. To just give in, follow the code, and not think any more than he had to.

Being numb was easy, he found. It was caring that was hard, and he didn’t have to care as long as he let the skeletons pull his strings, following the plot like the good little game construct he was. For a brief moment, he had thought he’d seen a flash of recognition behind Gordon’s eyes, but that was impossible. Gordon didn’t know him, not anymore. And so faded his last shred of hope.

So he walked on, unthinking and unfeeling, toward the inevitable end of this played out song and dance. Every protagonist needs an antagonist to rally against, after all. And he was coded to be the perfect one for Gordon’s story. Nothing more than that was necessary. It was just added flavor to spice things up, in the end. His _existence_ was all the script required.

He and the skeletons were similar like that. Just another body with nothing behind the eyes for the game to play with. In the end, he couldn't change anything.

**Author's Note:**

> So there's that! I have some ideas for a continuation of this, because I'm a sucker for a happy ending. It'll be a good bit longer than a one-shot, though, so we'll see if I have the motivation to write it.
> 
> This is also the first fic I've actually written down, so if I didn't tag things right please let me know!


End file.
